Why
Forgive?
Anne
Naylor
What purpose does forgiving
serve? And how do you forgive? The "how" was what I asked
myself some 16 years ago, as I went into my divorce feeling
emotionally distraught.
We
are well-educated in acquisition: Gaining knowledge and
qualifications, getting a good job, finding a lifetime partner for
marriage, buying a home, cars and extraordinary technological
inventions to make our lives more comfortable and enjoyable. Our
place in the world often revolves around what we are seen to have.
Our beliefs support this reality. We look good and therefore we are
good. Celebrities are envied for the lifestyle they have acquired.
But
what about letting go? As creatures of habit, we get attached to
life's goodies. Our sense of worth and well-being may be closely
linked to the material world, and the convictions we have about who
we are in it.
Letting
go of attachments, and self-forgiving when necessary, do not come
easily. Loss can be painful. We more naturally want to strike out and
blame someone, almost anyone, rather than accept the pain, be
responsible and able to respond to life's changes and challenges. It
is as though our life, our survival, depends upon our being "right"
about how we think things should be.
Following
a radio interview in 1995 on the theme "forgiveness" --
when it is really difficult --the interviewer and I declared March 15
to be International Forgiving Day, to be celebrated annually and
globally.
Here
is an excerpt from the article, “Choosing to Forgive” : The main
purpose of Forgiving Day was to open the conversation on forgiving;
to touch into the experience of what forgiving could mean; to accept
that sometimes, it is just not possible to forgive; to recognize the
value of forgiving. “
Over
the 10 years that I celebrated the vision with friends, I came to
understand much more about how forgiving works and the benefits of
forgiving, especially self-forgiving. Since then, the conversation on
forgiving has become more widespread. Now, the benefits of forgiving
related to health and well-being, better sleep, increasing awareness
and intuition, enjoying the present moment and happy relationships
have been well documented.
If
your trajectory through life -- your goals, dreams, plans and
aspirations -- has been disrupted by the economic downturn, you might
be trying to make new sense of your life purpose. Being willing to
let go of all you have worked for may feel counter-intuitive, unless
letting go makes space for something better.
Doctors
Ron and Mary Hulnick, authors of “Loyalty To Your Soul: The Heart
of Spiritual Psychology” write about Compassionate
Self-Forgiveness. This process takes forgiveness out of the hands of
the ego and into the heart of greater awareness, understanding, love
and deep healing. We can become one who is forgiving, starting with
ourselves.
In
response to my article, “Can We be Emotionally Free?” my wise
friend Trixie, 93 years young, declared emphatically, "No!"
If not free, could we be emotionally flexible? That is to say, could
we have the space within us to accept our emotions and ride with
them? To forgive ourselves when we react with harshness and
criticism, especially towards those we love the most?
One
day this week, the winds were high and the sea turbulent. Strong
winds speak to me of the "winds of change," where water
represents the emotions. On these stormy seas, I watched wind surfers
and kite surfers skimming across the rough water surface at high
speed, letting the wind carry them along and sometimes high into the
air.
The
image remains with me as I contemplate how I might soar with the
winds of change and not allow myself to be overwhelmed by powerful
emotions of resistance, how I might choose the lightness of flow over
the reluctance to adapt.
The
absence of forgiveness us drags us down. Forgiving liberates us.
So,
why forgive? Could it be, as Doctors Ron and Mary Hulnick offer in
their book, that we are not human beings with souls, but we are
spiritual beings having a human experience? What if through
forgiving, compassion and love we are able to realize more fully who
we truly are, beyond the mental and emotional mask of our egos? Could
we become more at peace with ourselves and those closest to us?
Perhaps our adversaries truly serve as our teachers and guides to
bring us back home to our hearts and our deepest connection with
others.
Then,
a true statement of forgiveness might be, "I forgive myself for
forgetting that I am Divine," any time we lose sight of our
greater reality.
John-Roger
wrote: Self-forgiveness
is not an act of contrition or penance. It is a profound and radical
approach to letting go of tensions and problems and preoccupations.
When you hold a judgment against someone else, you are holding it
inside your own body ... It's much easier to let go and forgive
yourself.
Anne
Naylor is an author and motivational speaker. This article was
originally published in the Huffington Post,
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anne-naylor/forgiveness_b_831916.html
