Why Forgive?

Why Forgive?

Anne Naylor

What purpose does forgiving serve? And how do you forgive? The "how" was what I asked myself some 16 years ago, as I went into my divorce feeling emotionally distraught.

We are well-educated in acquisition: Gaining knowledge and qualifications, getting a good job, finding a lifetime partner for marriage, buying a home, cars and extraordinary technological inventions to make our lives more comfortable and enjoyable. Our place in the world often revolves around what we are seen to have. Our beliefs support this reality. We look good and therefore we are good. Celebrities are envied for the lifestyle they have acquired.

But what about letting go? As creatures of habit, we get attached to life's goodies. Our sense of worth and well-being may be closely linked to the material world, and the convictions we have about who we are in it.

Letting go of attachments, and self-forgiving when necessary, do not come easily. Loss can be painful. We more naturally want to strike out and blame someone, almost anyone, rather than accept the pain, be responsible and able to respond to life's changes and challenges. It is as though our life, our survival, depends upon our being "right" about how we think things should be.

Following a radio interview in 1995 on the theme "forgiveness" -- when it is really difficult --the interviewer and I declared March 15 to be International Forgiving Day, to be celebrated annually and globally.

Here is an excerpt from the article, “Choosing to Forgive” : The main purpose of Forgiving Day was to open the conversation on forgiving; to touch into the experience of what forgiving could mean; to accept that sometimes, it is just not possible to forgive; to recognize the value of forgiving. “

Over the 10 years that I celebrated the vision with friends, I came to understand much more about how forgiving works and the benefits of forgiving, especially self-forgiving. Since then, the conversation on forgiving has become more widespread. Now, the benefits of forgiving related to health and well-being, better sleep, increasing awareness and intuition, enjoying the present moment and happy relationships have been well documented.

If your trajectory through life -- your goals, dreams, plans and aspirations -- has been disrupted by the economic downturn, you might be trying to make new sense of your life purpose. Being willing to let go of all you have worked for may feel counter-intuitive, unless letting go makes space for something better.

Doctors Ron and Mary Hulnick, authors of “Loyalty To Your Soul: The Heart of Spiritual Psychology” write about Compassionate Self-Forgiveness. This process takes forgiveness out of the hands of the ego and into the heart of greater awareness, understanding, love and deep healing. We can become one who is forgiving, starting with ourselves.

In response to my article, “Can We be Emotionally Free?” my wise friend Trixie, 93 years young, declared emphatically, "No!" If not free, could we be emotionally flexible? That is to say, could we have the space within us to accept our emotions and ride with them? To forgive ourselves when we react with harshness and criticism, especially towards those we love the most?

One day this week, the winds were high and the sea turbulent. Strong winds speak to me of the "winds of change," where water represents the emotions. On these stormy seas, I watched wind surfers and kite surfers skimming across the rough water surface at high speed, letting the wind carry them along and sometimes high into the air.

The image remains with me as I contemplate how I might soar with the winds of change and not allow myself to be overwhelmed by powerful emotions of resistance, how I might choose the lightness of flow over the reluctance to adapt.

The absence of forgiveness us drags us down. Forgiving liberates us.

So, why forgive? Could it be, as Doctors Ron and Mary Hulnick offer in their book, that we are not human beings with souls, but we are spiritual beings having a human experience? What if through forgiving, compassion and love we are able to realize more fully who we truly are, beyond the mental and emotional mask of our egos? Could we become more at peace with ourselves and those closest to us? Perhaps our adversaries truly serve as our teachers and guides to bring us back home to our hearts and our deepest connection with others.

Then, a true statement of forgiveness might be, "I forgive myself for forgetting that I am Divine," any time we lose sight of our greater reality.

John-Roger wrote: Self-forgiveness is not an act of contrition or penance. It is a profound and radical approach to letting go of tensions and problems and preoccupations. When you hold a judgment against someone else, you are holding it inside your own body ... It's much easier to let go and forgive yourself.

Anne Naylor is an author and motivational speaker. This article was originally published in the Huffington Post,   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anne-naylor/forgiveness_b_831916.html

Crossing the Bridge Together: Lessons of Forgiveness from Vietnam

The Olympia Forgiveness Project

Invites you to

"Crossing the Bridge Together:

Lessons of Forgiveness from Vietnam."

Sunday, August 5^th at 12:00 p.m. (Noon)

Olympia Capitol Campus

Vietnamese War Memorial

This event is an opportunity for American Veterans of the Vietnam Conflict and Vietnamese people who were present during the conflict to share lessons of forgiveness they have learned.

This will be a time of mutual respect, sharing and listening and a brief ceremony to celebrate lessons learned, perspective gained and community built. This is not a political event, but rather an opportunity to learn from each other and remember the challenges of the Vietnam Conflict through the eyes of another.

After some introductory remarks anyone who has learned something about forgiveness from their time in Vietnam will be invited to step up "to the mike" and share.

We will begin the event at 1200 (Noon) in the grassy area near the Vietnam War Memorial at the Capitol Campus and we anticipate that (depending on the size of the gathering) we will be together for an hour or so.

Questions- Dr. David James, 360-789-1726

davidjames1955@gmail.com

To Forgive is to Heal

To Forgive is to Heal

Deepak Ballani

If forgiveness is divine, as Alexander Pope once wrote, then it is an aspect of religions that we are called to imitate, as much for our own good as for that of others. When we are wounded by someone's thoughtlessness, rejection or deliberate cruelty, we have two options before us: We can try to get even or pretend that we haven't been hurt. The other option is to forgive.

Newspaper "Agony Aunt" Abigail Van Buren of "Dear Abby" fame once asked women readers if any of them had forgiven an unfaithful husband and had since had a happy marriage. The response was overwhelming. One woman wrote: "What a grand and glorious thing it is to rise above the pain." Others admitted that it wasn't easy to forgive, but they consistently recommended "the rewards of forgiveness, the futility of harboring a grudge" had made them do the unthinkable, that is, to forgive.

The most popular misconception about forgiveness is that when we forgive, we forget. Most of the time, we don't forget. The woman who forgives her husband's philandering is not asked to forget his weakness, but rather not to let the negative behavior direct their lives and stand in the way of building emotional bridges.

Try forgiving a friend who betrays your confidence, or a co-worker who lies about you. When the real effort of forgiveness takes place, it's not easy at all; instinct urges us to pay back in kind. There is usually a pause between the anguish and the time when trust and love can take root again. Forgiveness is part of a process that begins with suffering and ends, as its final and long-range goal, with the event of reconciliation. It works only when we become aware of the depths and causes of the anger burning in us so that we can forgive wholeheartedly and ensure an enduring peace. A particularly helpful exercise in the process of forgiveness is to try to understand the one who is wounding us as a person, and not just as the cause of our pain.

Forgiveness should come from within, and not be a mere show of magnanimity; it should help the forgiver in all future dealings with the person who is forgiven.

A declaration of forgiveness may appear as naive, weak, utopian – sometimes even outrageous. Indeed, those were the sentiments of many members of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church of Montgomery, Alabama, USA. The parishioners had endured harassments, threats, beatings and even house bombings. They gathered in 1955 at Dexter for guidance from their pastor, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. His message was simple: When Jesus said, "Love your enemy, he meant every word of it. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity."

We cannot escape from this prison of birth and death until we have cleared our karmic account; Jesus said we should ask forgiveness of those we have wronged, while we are still living in this world.

Forgiveness depends on the situation and the people involved. In the end, all forgivers do the same thing: they restore self-worth to the offender, the cancel a debt; they experience such peace that they lose the urge to retaliate, and live as freer persons, unshackled by the weight of suffering.

Deepak Ballani wrote this article for the Times of India http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-09-17/faith-and-ritual/30118974_1_forgiveness-alexander-pope-dexter

Foe's Photo Haunts Vietnam Veteran's Quest for Forgiveness

Foe's Photo Haunts Vietnam Veteran's Quest for Forgiveness

Sharon Cohen, Associated Press

ROCHESTER, Ill. — He was just 18, a restless kid raised on John Wayne movies who signed on with Uncle Sam, saw a real war, then came home carrying a single image that haunted him like a ghost.

For Richard Luttrell, it all began the day he was trekking up a mountainous trail in a place called Chu Lai. That's when he spotted him, the first enemy soldier he'd seen eye to eye. He was only 30 feet away, bent over in dense brush, pointing his AK-47 at Luttrell from above.

The two soldiers locked eyes. Neither spoke. Seconds passed. Luttrell's feet seemed forever frozen in that one spot.

Then he made the first move. He emptied the clip of his M-16, the staccato sputtering of bullets shattering the silent stalemate.

Afterward, some guys in Luttrell's platoon rifled through the belongings of the three Vietnamese soldiers killed in the firefight. No, the young private told his buddies, he did not want the shiny gold belt buckle of the man he had shot. Nor the wallet, which was tossed on the ground.

But then he saw a photo that had partially fallen out. He picked it up and stared: It was a color portrait of the soldier in a khaki uniform next to a girl, maybe 7 or 8, with long, thin braids, her head slightly tilted toward him, both looking ever so somber.

Both had narrow jaws. Both had round noses. It seemed clear they were related, perhaps father and daughter.

For reasons he can't explain, even to himself, Luttrell decided to keep the photo. He stuck it in the back of his wallet and he carried it with him.

For 22 years.

Finally, one day, with a new generation already reading about Vietnam in history books, Luttrell decided it was time to move on, to say goodbye to the haunting memento no bigger than a few postage stamps but still somehow an albatross to him. So he left it at the Vietnam War memorial in Washington, confident he had seen it for the last time.

But last year, he saw the very same photo he had given up in a book. And a mission was born: These three decades later, Luttrell has set out to find the girl in the picture.

So much has changed since then: The United States and Vietnam are friends now. A former prisoner of war is now America's top diplomat in Hanoi. And Richard Luttrell, the boy who went to war, is a grandfather--a grandfather with some unfinished business.

"It's hard to put into words," he says, "but deep down, somehow, I'm looking for some forgiveness somewhere."

If Richard Luttrell's wartime experiences were a book, his search for the girl would be the epilogue. The final chapter came on a gloomy November day nearly eight years ago in Washington.

Luttrell had traveled to the black granite wall of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial to pay tribute

to his comrades. And he had come, too, to make a special delivery: He was ready to part with the tattered, faded photo buried in his wallet.

Over the years, Luttrell had glanced at it now and then, dutifully transferring it every time he bought a new wallet, separating it from family photos, far enough to be out of sight, but not far enough to be out of mind.

His wife, Carole, had urged him to get rid of it.

"I said it kept looking at him," she says. "Every time he would look at it, he'd get upset."

But Luttrell couldn't discard it. The soldier in him had in some way forged a bond with this stranger, who, like him, was a patriot, fighting for his country. "It would have been disrespectful," he says, "to have thrown it away."

For years, Luttrell couldn't even talk about the war.

That began changing in the 1980s, when he started going to counseling to deal with post-traumatic stress and began working on a fund-raising project for a war memorial at a local cemetery here in central Illinois.

But even as his curly brown hair turned to talcum-powder white and his scrawny frame filled out, as his first daughter and his second were born, he found it harder to face the photo.

"You've got a wonderful life, you have two children, you look at this picture and she doesn't have a father," he explains. "As my children grew, I kind of always wondered what the fate of this young lady was, or what his fate could have been. It could have been the other way around."

Luttrell always suspected that it was a father-daughter in the picture, but there was no way to know. And he never knew what was said in writing scrawled on the back; he never had it translated.

The fall night in 1989 before his pilgrimage to the wall, Luttrell sat in his hotel room in Fairfax, Va., pen and pad in hand, and wrote an impromptu "Dear Sir" note, as if he were talking with the man he had killed decades ago.

He explained why he was about to relinquish the photo he had carried since 1967. It was part eulogy, part confession, part apology.

"Forgive me for taking your life," he wrote. "I was reacting just the way I was trained to kill V.C. [Viet Cong]. So many times over the years I have stared at your picture and your daughter, I suspect. Each time my heart and guts would burn with the pain of guilt."

"I perceive you as a brave soldier defending his homeland. . . . [But] It is time for me to continue the life process."

At the wall, Luttrell pored over the names etched in the granite, searching for fellow members of the 327th Infantry. He found no one he knew.

Then he carried a plastic sandwich bag containing the note and photo, put it down at the base of the wall, placed a rock on top, had his wife shoot some pictures of him, and walked away.

"It was like a heavy burden had been lifted," he says. "I just thought that was where it belonged. That was going to be the final resting place. I never thought I would see it again."

Last fall, a Vietnam veteran who is a friend walked into Luttrell's office in the state Capitol in Springfield, where he writes grant applications for the Illinois Department of Veterans Affairs, and handed him a book, "Offerings at the Wall."

"Turn to page 52," he said.

The past was there, bigger than ever: a copy of his letter and an enlarged copy of the photo on the following page.

Luttrell had known his photo had become part of a permanent archive, but had no idea it would surface in a book.

He already has his own private collection of Vietnam history: His medals (including two Purple Hearts) are framed on his dining room wall. And his scrapbooks are filled with memorabilia--the telegram his mother received after he was shot in the shoulder in 1968, an "Uncle Sam Wants You" pocket-size calendar he stashed in his helmet, photos of him as a skinny private and more current ones, beaming, standing next to one of his heroes, Gen. William Westmoreland, when he visited the area in 1994.

Several years ago, Luttrell also wrote and published his own book, "All Her Boys," named after his mother's penchant for writing letters and sending care packages to his Army buddies.

But some memories are too much to bear. Even now, at age 49, Luttrell won't watch Vietnam movies--he shudders at the bloody images of heads being blown to bits. And, even now, he doesn't sleep through the night, a holdover, he suspects of all-night vigils in the blackness of the jungle, clutching an M-16.

So when the photo came back into his life, it was like poking at scar tissue still tender to touch.

Still, he says, this is the only way he can heal. So he is eager to find the little girl, who would now be approaching middle age.

Last fall, Luttrell wrote a letter to Le Van Bang, the Vietnamese ambassador in Washington, seeking his help.

"For years I have carried the guilt of taking his life," he wrote. "It is always with me; like a cancer, it eats away at my heart and my mind. I realize that with only a picture it may be impossible to locate this soldier's identity or his family, but I could not live with myself any longer if I did not try to resolve this matter."

The ambassador, who served in the war at the very same time, responded by telling him that he was moved by the request and would pass it on to the Vietnam Veterans Assn.

"The dead had fulfilled their duties, the living have yet to do theirs," he wrote Luttrell.

The photo already has popped up in a newspaper in Vietnam, prompting one veteran to write Luttrell this spring and compose a song about his quest.

Luttrell hopes that publicity will lead him to the girl, or at least the soldier's family. He wants to put a name with the face. He wants to explain how he died--and that it was an honorable end.

But if any of the soldier's relatives reject his entreaties to meet or speak with him, he will understand. "Whatever it is, I can live with it," he says. "I'll know in my heart that I've done all that I can."

Already, he feels calmer, knowing he has gone this far.

"I still feel some guilt," he says. "Somehow, we all want to be forgiven. It's amazing we can forgive all kinds of people in our life, people who've done us wrong. But try and forgive yourself--that is the hardest damn thing to do."

Sharon Cohen wrote this article for the Associated Press

http://articles.latimes.com/print/1997/aug/10/news/mn-21100

Forgiving the Unforgivable II

Forgiving the Unforgivable

Marina Cantauzino

Mumbai did not leave deep scars; it healed deep wounds," writes Master Charles Cannon in Forgiving the Unforgivable, the true story of how he and his 24 associates from the Synchronicity Foundation for Modern Spirituality responded to terror when they were caught up in the 2008 attack on the 5-star Oberoi Hotel. Many might wonder how this modern spiritual teacher from Virginia could say such a thing when four from his group were seriously injured and two -- a father and his 13-year-old daughter -- were murdered.

For this reason I felt some apprehension when picking up the book to prepare for a scheduled podcast discussion with Master Charles on the subject of forgiveness. Whilst I wanted to learn how a group of people caught up in the 45-hour siege could instantly embrace compassionate forgiveness, I was not convinced it was true. To talk of the attack as a "peak" experience and for members of the group to say they were "grateful" for it, or describe being in state of "bliss" on their return, is a difficult and delicate message to communicate.

However, what makes this book entirely credible in my eyes, carrying the reader along so that there is never any doubt about the authenticity of the experience, is the very thing that first gave me the impetus to start The Forgiveness Project-- and that is the knowledge that it is based on the personal testimonies of those who bore witness and those who endured the most. Peppered throughout the 288 pages are the true stories of the survivors, which even include Kia, the woman whose husband and daughter both died. Kia, extraordinarily, from the moment she heard the news, experienced "the deepest grief and pain" at the same time as feeling "love, forgiveness and compassion" for the Islamist terrorists.

It seems that these real stories describe an intrinsic part of the human experience -- albeit one that is rarely documented. They illustrate how people who for years have practiced a holistic, meditative life-style when tested are capable of responding to trauma without capsizing fear or reactive anger. Instead, these people are able to accept what has happened to them and use the experience to grow into an "ever more evolved wholeness." As Master Charles puts it, "This is about being where your feet are," or to borrow from the Greek stoic Epictetus, "It's not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters."

If you have learnt never to have a "why me?" attitude, and always accept that life is not unfair, it just is what it is, then, when terrorists burst into your hotel dining room, shooting everyone in sight, you are able to glimpse humanity in the enemy. As Linda, one of the survivors, describes:

"I watched a young man turn the corner and what immediately struck me was that he looked the same age as my son. I thought 'ah, my universal son is speaking to me with a gun. How could I have let him get to this?'"

In the dozens of stories I've collected for The Forgiveness Project, although there are many victims of atrocity who talk about finding the gift in the wound, there are few who have responded to violence with love as quickly and spontaneously as this group of spiritual seekers. But one story that is featured on The Forgiveness Project website does draw parallels with the Mumbai experience. That is the story of Julie Chimes, who in 1986 was savagely attacked with a carving knife by a paranoid schizophrenic

Julie explains:

"When the knife entered me, something exploded in my awareness and a part of me became detached from my body, calmly observing the mayhem with total understanding. I can remember shouting out that I loved my assailant, which, given the circumstances was as much of a surprise to me as it was being stabbed."

Just as with the Mumbai survivors from the Synchronicity Foundation, Julie found that in the aftermath of the attack, while the rest of the world focused on blame and retribution, vengeful thoughts were for her never a consideration.

"As I blamed no one, there was nothing to forgive, but there was still a lot for me to learn and understand," she says. "So I went in search of teachings and people who had touched on the same loving perspective. I wanted to know if it was possible to reach this place of peace without some horrific trauma."

Working with people who have experienced extreme trauma, I have become convinced that those who have suffered the most have the most to give, if they are only able to reconcile with their past and restore a measure of hope. And so, in the same way that The Forgiveness Project operates, the Mumbai survivors have used their healing stories to reach out and help others understand how it is possible that those who have been most traumatized can ever respond to hatred with compassion.

Marina Cantauzino is the Founder of the Forgiveness Project UK and this article can be found in the original at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marina-cantacuzino/meaning-forgiveness_b_1449453.html

Forgiveness Meditation by Jack Kornfield

Forgiveness Meditation
Forgiveness of others, forgiveness of yourself

To practice forgiveness meditation, let yourself sit comfortably, allowing your eyes to close and your breath to be natural and easy. Let your body and mind relax. Breathing gently into the area of your heart, let yourself feel all the barriers you have erected and the emotions that you have carried because you have not forgiven - not forgiven yourself, not forgiven others. Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed. Then, breathing softly, begin asking and extending forgiveness, reciting the following words, letting the images and feelings that come up grow deeper as you repeat them.


FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS: There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed others, have betrayed or abandoned them, cause them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger and confusion. Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others. See and feel the pain you have caused out of your own fear and confusion. Feel your own sorrow and regret. Sense that finally you can release this burden and ask for forgiveness. Picture each memory that still burdens your heart. And then to each person in your mind repeat: I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.


FORGIVENESS FOR YOURSELF: There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself. I have betrayed or abandoned myself many times through thought, word, or deed, knowingly or unknowingly. Feel your own precious body and life. Let yourself see the ways you have hurt or harmed yourself. Picture them, remember them. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this and sense that you can release these burdens. Extend forgiveness for each of them, one by one. Repeat to yourself: For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain and confusion, I now extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself, I forgive myself.


FORGIVENESS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE HURT OR HARMED YOU: There are many ways that I have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word or deed. Let yourself picture and remember these many ways. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this past and sense that you can release this burden of pain by extending forgiveness when your heart is ready. Now say to yourself: I now remember the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, wounded me, out of fear, pain, confusion and anger. I have carried this pain in my heart too long. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.


Let yourself gently repeat these three directions for forgiveness until you feel a release in your heart. For some great pains you may not feel a release but only the burden and the anguish or anger you have held. Touch this softly. Be forgiving of yourself for not being ready to let go and move on. Forgiveness cannot be forced; it cannot be artificial. Simply continue the practice and let the words and images work gradually in their own way. In time you can make the forgiveness meditation a regular part of your life, letting go of the past and opening your heart to each new moment with a wise loving kindness.

Jack Kornfield is one of the leading teachers of Buddhism in America today.  He is a co-founder of Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Northern California.  More about Jack can be found at http://www.jackkornfield.org/meditations/forgivenessMeditation.php

Man who lost his family finds forgiveness brings peace

Forgiveness Brings Peace

Rochelle Riley

Fifty-one weeks after Tom Wellinger killed Gary Weinstein's family, the jeweler decided to accompany his attorneys to a meeting with Wellinger at the Oakland County Jail."They did preliminary questions, and then my attorney said, 'You got any questions for him?' " Weinstein recalled. "I hadn't really prepared."

So he asked the only thing that mattered: "How's your kids?"

And in that moment, they were what they were: two family men who lived within a mile of each other, whose names were on the same page in the Farmington Hills phone book, two fathers whose children attended the same schools -- until Wellinger took Weinstein's away forever.

A Farmington Hills family's routine trip to the dentist Tuesday afternoon ended in tragedy when a speeding SUV with a drunken driver behind the wheel smashed into the car, killing a woman and her two children.

"Here he is," Weinstein said of their meeting, "a father like me, and that was the only question I had."

In that jailhouse conference room, stripped bare of pretense and away from the community ripped apart by the May 2005 tragedy, two fathers who had never met talked briefly about forgiveness. They did not discuss details of the crash. There were no recriminations, no tears.

In response to Weinstein's question, Wellinger, without hesitation, said he hadn't seen his son in more than a year. He was underage and not allowed in the jail.

"I haven't seen mine either," Weinstein replied. "He asked me could I ever forgive him, and my quick response was: 'Can you forgive yourself?' "

The jailhouse conversation was the last between Gary Weinstein and Tom Wellinger, who is now in prison. But Weinstein said he has reached out to Wellinger, asked to speak to his children, to help them heal.

Unthinkable. Unless forgiveness is involved.

Weinstein has now decided to tell his story as part of a documentary film and healing campaign called Project: Forgive, the brainchild of Shawne Duperon, 48, a filmmaker and child molestation survivor whose life also changed the day of the crash. She was friends with both families.

Her children had baby-sat the Weinstein children. She knew and loved Judy Weinstein, who was her husband Terry's business coach. Duperon was numb when she learned they had been killed. But the day would get worse.

"A couple of hours later, I got the call that Tom had done it," she recalled, the shock from that day still visible in her eyes. Wellinger's ex-wife was her partner in monthly Mastermind groups, where people work to improve their personal and professional development.

"There are two Toms," she said, "Tom, this man who killed a family and is in jail, and Tom, a beautiful, loving family man who happened to make a horrific mistake."

The saddest twist of fate, she said, was that Tom Wellinger's immediate family had flown to Michigan the day of the accident to stage an intervention over his drinking. It was scheduled for the next day.

Judith Weinstein and Alex, who was in the front passenger seat, died at the scene, police said. Sam was ejected about 20 feet from the car, landing in a driveway. ... There were no brake marks on the roadway to indicate that the driver of the SUV ever saw the Honda or tried to stop.

"Tom had been sober for years," Duperon said. "He was a very giving man, an extraordinary man, and life hit him, and he went back to drinking again. It's that circumstance where you have that amazing person who in the next breath killed a family. It's a difficult thing to hold in your brain.

"The day that Gary's family died, I knew that day that we were going to do this project, a project that is now a movement and a mission," she said. "This is a deep inquiry into what is forgiveness. This documentary will look at what happens when we forgive, what happens when we don't."

Duperon's coproducer is Scott Rosenfelt, who produced the Julia Roberts movie "Mystic Pizza" and executive produced "Home Alone." Duperon also is collecting thousands of stories from around the world detailing how people have forgiven. She hopes that like Jack Canfield's successful "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series, stories of forgiveness will impact those who might need to offer it.

"Forgiveness is critical, and I think it's one of the big challenges in our culture," said Canfield, who will appear in the film and whose "Soup" series just sold its 500 millionth book worldwide. "We're a culture where a lot of people hold grudges forever, and I think all the research shows that it filters to your health, your relationships. ... I think it's a very important project."

A cross-country journey of healing

Sixteen weeks after the accident, Weinstein got a call that his jewelry store was on fire. Almost instantly, he made two decisions:

He decided to rebuild, moving the business to temporary quarters down the road while redesigning a new store, changing it from the gallery it was to a charming salon with a sofa and jewel-filled shadow boxes.

And he decided to play golf. Weinstein had mostly stopped going to his jewelry store. Customers seemed uncomfortable. They didn't know what to say. So like Forrest Gump, the beloved movie character who suddenly began running one day, Weinstein decided to golf across America.

"I decided to play golf in all 50 states in eight months," he said. "I put 42,000 miles on my car, but I never played alone. I only flew to Hawaii and Alaska. I played two rounds per state. I always told people who I was and what happened, and that was very therapeutic."

He spent no energy hating Tom Wellinger.

"There is an understanding in the community and in the world that alcoholism is a disease," Weinstein said. "If I think that it's a disease, then he was clearly sick. ... In some ways, I don't hold him totally responsible. I knew him as a guy of conscience and commitment. He fell off the wagon. ... I know there is some kind of difference to be made in what occurred."

Weinstein is the youngest of four brothers who are all jewelers. He has two sisters, a teacher and a social worker.

He said his journey has been easier because his family trained themselves to always express how they felt. You might say they lived like they were dying or that, at any moment, life could change.

He also attributes much of his success and life philosophy to Landmark personal development seminars, something that he said chased away many girlfriends but intrigued the woman he eventually married. Judith attended a seminar with him and eventually became a Landmark leader.

An attorney who "hated arguing," Judith Weinstein had begun doing conflict resolution sessions with auto executives and was planning to grow to international work. She had just returned from Germany before the accident.

Police said Wellinger's blood-alcohol content was more than twice the legal limit at 3:30 in the afternoon when his Yukon, traveling 70 m.p.h. in a 45-m.p.h. zone, rammed into the back of Judith Weinstein's Honda Accord as she waited to make a left turn on 12 Mile near Orchard Lake Road.

On that last day, older son Alex got up at 6 a.m., dressed and left for school.

"I had already kissed him and hugged him the night before," Weinstein recalled. "I was whole and complete. I kissed them, said I loved them.

"That morning, Judy and Sam were at the kitchen table doing some math," Weinstein said. "They were talking about the orthodontist appointment after school and Judy wrote out the note.

"I still have that note saying, 'Can Sam be excused at 3:15?' I don't think his teacher ever got it," Weinstein said. "He accidentally left it on the table."

 

Moving forward to find happiness

Weinstein's national golf tour took him to Connecticut, where he met a couple of employees from Golf Digest.

"They happened to be terrible golfers, but they were IT guys," he said with a laugh. "They said they'd like to tell their editor about me." At the time, Weinstein said he was unable to talk about the crash because of a civil suit pending against Wellinger's employers.

A federal court jury Thursday declined to hold a driver's employer, UGS Corp., now Siemens, responsible for the Farmington Hills crash he caused. The plaintiffs argued that Thomas Wellinger was drunk and shouldn't have been allowed to drive himself to a doctor's appointment. But co-workers testified that Wellinger didn't look drunk.

With the case ending in December 2010, Weinstein's first-person story appeared in the May 2011 issue of Golf Digest, including a mention that he planned to play golf in 100 countries in 20 years.

"I had this vision that I had unlimited funds coming," Weinstein said. "But the lawsuit didn't quite work out, so I'm still committed to the venture."

From the Golf Digest article, he has, however, received a number of invitations to play, from clubs in South Africa, France, Switzerland and Belgium.

With his work at the store, his world travel and now a steady girlfriend, Gary Weinstein appears to have moved on. But when you suffer a tragedy as great as his, it is always present. What you decide is how you live with it.

And Gary Weinstein, now 54, has decided not only to live but to help Tom Wellinger live, too. "I want him to speak so that the world will know he's not a monster," Weinstein said. "My understanding is that he's not. I can appreciate that people who know what happened to me think I should be vindictive against him for what he did. But I don't come at it from that point at all."

Wellinger was sentenced to 19-30 years for three counts of second-degree murder. Initially, Weinstein thought that wasn't enough. But later, he signed documents agreeing not to block attempts for an early release.

Weinstein said his sole focus is "how to go forward and how to make a difference in the world."

"What happened was outrageous. It was obscene ... but now ... I live from happiness. There's always a smile on my face. It's almost like I was a fish in the water and didn't know I was in the water. Now, I'm much clearer about it."

Weinstein wants that for Wellinger's children. "I know they're in pain," he said. "I know they don't have the tools I have to move forward. ... They blame themselves for not taking action. I welcome a conversation or an embrace so they can move forward. I'm just that guy who can say to them that they don't need to hang onto that. They can live a life that they don't have to be ashamed of their father. ... It is just what happened. It is just what's so."

Marianne Williamson, the Los Angeles-based international author and self-awareness expert, said that forgiveness is about yourself as much as other people.

"What is growing among us, not only as individuals, but collectively, is a realization that it's necessary to forgive if we're to move on with our lives, if we're to begin again. Resentment is a toxin, and I think it was (writer and actor) Malachy McCourt who said that holding resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other guy dies. ... You can be bitter or you can be better."

In the nearly seven years since his family disappeared in an instant, Gary Weinstein became ready for other things, as well. He called his high school prom date, Eileen Keegan, who was living in Las Vegas, and renewed their friendship. That turned into a simple, but complicated romance.

They do not plan to marry. She wears a diamond on her left ring finger to symbolize their commitment. But when Gary Weinstein's life ends, he said he will have had one wife and two sons, whose memories he carries on his left ring finger.

There, he wears three interconnected bands: one of pink gold for Judith, who dyed her brown hair red because he liked redheads; one of yellow gold for Alex, and one of white gold for Sam, "for purity."

Yes, Gary Weinstein knows who he is and how far he's come. He knows that the twists and turns are easier to maneuver when you aren't carrying the extra baggage of anger and resentment.

Forgiveness did that.

Thank you so much Rochelle Riley rriley99@freepress.com

http://www.freep.com/article/20120401/COL10/204010497/Man-who-lost-his-family-finds-forgiveness-gives-him-peace

Forgiveness and Hope win out over crime in Juvenile Court.

The car, a 1989 Dodge, wasn't worth much. But it was important to Packard, 76, because she needed it to drive to mass at the Church of St. Peter in Richfield every morning. It also got her to doctors appointments at Hennepin County Medical Center three times a week.

When Packard finally got to meet the boy, 17, in Hennepin County Juvenile Court recently, she started with a quote:

"When we forgive, we don't deny the hurt that we have received. We don't deny that it was wrong, but we acknowledge that there is more to the offender than the offense."

Already, Packard had the boy's attention. But she also had the attention of Judge Kathryn Quaintance and the lawyers and court staff in the room.

Packard went on to tell how she was called to the impound lot several days after the car was stolen and found it totaled and filled with garbage. Her driver's license was gone, along with religious books and a rosary given to Packard by her mother.

Then Packard talked about being a foster mom for about 50 kids, many of them who had been abused
and neglected, and how much she empathized with the young man standing before her in court.

"I personally know most of these kids have not been parented, and maybe their parents haven't either, or maybe they got into the wrong crowd, or got into drugs," she said. "I would like [the teen] to know that I pray for him and the other two [boys who were with him] daily, and that it is not too late for them," Packard continued. "I would also like these boys to think of their own families. Would they
want their families to experience what I have?"

"Again, please let [the boy] know that I sincerely care about him, and I am praying for his redirection and rehabilitation," she said. "A good life awaits him, if he will just choose a new path. God bless."

Packard then asked the judge if she could give the young man two stones. One said "Hope," the other said, "A special prayer for you."

The young man took the stones, and began to sob.

"The hurt, I never thought of that," said the teen. "I'm really sorry. I regret this decision. I'm sorry for all of the hurt that I caused you."

"I care. Lots of people care about you," said Packard.

Then Packard did something none of the people in the courtroom had seen before, she hugged the person who had upset her life. He squeezed her hard and sobbed.

By now, everyone in the courtroom was crying. For years, many of them had watched hardened, defiant kids and angry, vindictive victims.

But nothing like this.

Judge Quaintance, known to be stern and no-nonsense, finally spoke from the bench. "I think many of us have been doing this work for a very, very long time, and I have never seen such a powerful moment in my career," Quaintance said.

"The [teen's] recognition that you had an impact on somebody, that this is not an anonymous hurt, this is a personal hurt," said the judge. "[It] just so happened that you by chance chose as a victim somebody who can change your life."

After court, Quaintance was so moved, she sent me an e-mail:

"It was the genuine concern and love for this kid who stole her car that blew us all away," wrote Quaintance. "It was a miracle."

Packard did not want the teen to pay restitution for her car because he'd lost his job. He did have to pay $500 for another charge, something that worried Packard.

A few days after the court hearing, Packard sat in her small Minneapolis home and talked about the experience. "When the police told me [the car thieves] were underage, I just kept praying for them," she said.

She recalled the hurt in the teen's eyes as she spoke in court. "He was hugging me so hard I couldn't believe it," Packard said. "I felt everybody in that room was affected. I'm not sure what happened, but I call it a spiritual moment. That was God."

Packard said she knows judges and lawyers toil away without praise, and often get jaded because they deal daily with violence and sorrow.

"There is often so much disillusionment," she said. "I found myself thinking that everybody there needed this. Everybody needed the kind of attention that boy got. We all need some source of value in our lives."

John Tevlin writes for the Twin Cities Star Tribune         jtevlin@startribune.com • 612-673-1702

Karen Armstong's Charter for Compassion

Dear Friends,

Please join me on March 22 for “The State of the Charter for Compassion” – a celebration of the tremendous progress we’ve made together, and a vision for the road ahead as we continue to reassert compassion as the cornerstone of a just economy and a peaceful world.  Among the highlights, I will unveil the Charter’s elegant new website as well as a refreshed look and feel.

The “State of the Charter” will immediately follow my lecture, “What is Religion?” hosted by Simon Fraser University’s Center for Dialogue in Vancouver.  You can watch both the lecture and the Charter update live via streaming video, from 7-9 p.m. Pacific time at:

http://www.charterforcompassion.org/ or www.Facebook.com/CharterForCompassion

If you’re unable to join the live broadcast, it also will be archived in both locations for viewing at your convenience.

As a brief preview, I would like to share a few thoughts on how the new website and brand work signals a significant step forward for the Charter.

We’ve come a long way since TED granted my wish to develop the Charter for Compassion.  We articulated a compelling vision of compassion and the Golden Rule as precursors for global peace.  We motivated 85,000 people to begin the journey of reflection and practice.  And we inspired a first generation of deeply committed activists to take up the Charter’s message and lead a multitude of compassion-based initiatives around the world. 

The foundation has been well set.  Now it’s time to expand the Charter’s scale, reach and impact in a major way.  It’s time to amplify its voice, accelerate the pace of change and reassert compassion as an essential and dynamic force for good.  Indeed, it’s time for the Charter’s message to be universally heard and understood:

Compassion is not an option – it’s the key to our survival.

Fortunately, we live in the digital age.  With technology on our side, we can connect millions of impassioned advocates, deliver the message of compassion, demonstrate compassion-in-action and issue a call to help the Charter change the world.

As we re-imagine the Charter’s online presence, we want to bring it to life as a hub for compassion-based content and establish it as a regular destination on one’s journey of compassion – a place to learn, share, connect and be inspired to take action.

Building this platform, however, is merely the start.  We need your help.  You are the vital link between idealism and pragmatic action.  It is your commitment, your stories and your hard work that will animate the Charter and carry its message around the world. 

In a few short days, we’ll have a vibrant new online home.  Then it’s up to us to maximize its potential to make the Charter for Compassion and its digital properties the preeminent voice for compassionate action and global discourse.

I hope you can join me on the 22nd and I look forward to your active participation as we launch this exciting next phase of the Charter for Compassion’s growth and development.

Warm Regards,

Karen Armstrong

http://archives.subscribermail.com/msg/e84c15e366b24ce1bcceeb6f30de375e.htm

Forgiveness from a Native Perspective: Healing Generational Abuse

This is a touching story of forgiveness out of the First Nations Community in Canada. It demonstrates the generational nature of abuse (both in “Indian” Schools and in the family) and it offers a vision of forgiveness. Special thanks to the Hawaii Forgiveness Project for the story.

Forgiveness Amongst the First Nations People                                                 

Recounted by Lency Spezzano

The First Nations woman stood in the center of the seminar room, and trembled with fury.

She was enraged, and she wanted to fight for her dignity and her pride. There was a man in the room, a fellow Native, whom she saw as a transgressor in the extreme. She preached to us of her love for her family, and for her people who had suffered a holocaust of cultural genocide.

The man revealed that he had been a sex offender during his youthful drinking days. He was so filled with regret and remorse that eleven years after the fact he turned himself in to the authorities, to begin a long series of rehabilitative seminars and counseling sessions.

He had been willing to convict himself with his guilt; his challenge now was to win back the truth. Regardless of the mistakes he had made in his life, his true nature as a child of the Creator was perfect innocence. He said that he hoped someday to be able to find forgiveness within himself.

He had abused others as he himself had been abused in the residential “Indian” schools the Canadian government had forced on the First Nations people for over a hundred years. There the children had been torn from their families, separated from their siblings, raped of their language, religion, and heritage, and were taught that everything “Indian” was evil or inferior. Without their families to protect them, the children were preyed upon by sexual predators who were hired by the churches to supervise the dormitories, and teach the classes.

When the children graduated from high school and returned to their villages, they brought the pattern of abuse home. Drugs and alcohol were used by many as an attempt to escape emotional suffering, which caused more damage to families and communities, especially due to their natural physical intolerance for alcohol. Violent death and suicide became common place, as did sexual and physical abuse.

I helped the woman recognize that her issue with this man was that she had not forgiven her own perpetrator for the violation, shame, and loss of innocence that occurred when she had been raped as a girl.

If she could find it in her to forgive her perpetrator, she could recover the innocence and joy she knew as a child. If she could allow this man in the seminar to stand for the one who had hurt her, she could forgive both of them at the same time. If she could free her mind of the judgment she had placed on them so that she could see them as innocent, she could win back their innocence as well as her own.

Without hesitation, she agreed to do the healing that would be required. The man crumpled forward from the torment of his guilt. For him to step to the front of the room to represent the woman’s perpetrator would be the greatest act of courage and willingness of his life. With great effort, he was able to rise and face the woman in her pain.

My husband, Chuck, suggested that she choose two women friends to walk with her and support her as she crossed the room, each step representing a step forward in her forgiveness

Clutching each other, the three faced the man, and wailing from pain, began their slow but steady progress toward joining him in the truth. As they came close to him, their faces brightened, and soon the tears were tears of joy and release.

As the woman reached him, she gave him the gift of his innocence and therefore was able to receive it as her own. When they embraced, they were filled with love and gratitude for each other.

During the remaining days of the seminar, whenever I saw her around the compound, she was skipping like a child, a big grin on her face. Forgiveness had made her so lighthearted that she proved the adage, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Many people are convinced of personal guilt so great that it separates them from their Creator’s love and acceptance. In the face of the miracle of forgiveness, Reality registers the only Truth in our minds: we are still just as God created us. We are perfectly innocent regardless of our mistakes, and we will one day share God’s evaluation of who we are.

In the year following this seminar, the young man continued to work on self-forgiveness. He started a support group for sexual offenders, knowing that he was in a position to help others.

To learn more about the Hawaii Forgiveness Project, go to http://www.hawaiiforgivenessproject.org

Forgiving the Unforgiveable

This article tells a powerful story about Azhim Khamisa's search for peace and understanding after the murder of his son. We use it during our forgiveness retreats....David

Azim Khamisa was looking for a killer when he first met 19-year-old Tony Hicks. He wanted to find the cold-blooded murderer who’d gunned down his son, Tariq Khamisa, a college student working as a pizza deliveryman on a fateful night in San Diego in 1995.

When Azim Khamisa met the man who, as a 14-year-old gang member, had pulled the trigger of the gun that killed his only boy, he was on the lookout for a monster. “It took a long time to develop the courage to come eyeball-to-eyeball with the person who pulled the trigger on your child,” Khamisa told a conference room full of police officers and community leaders on Feb. 3 at the Aurora police headquarters. “It took courage and a lot of meditation ... I remember looking in his eyes. I’m trying to find a murderer, and I didn’t. What I saw in him was another human being. I was able to climb through his eyes and touch his humanity.”

That meeting took place five years after Hicks had committed the crime. It happened four years after Hicks became the youngest person in California’s history to be tried and convicted as an adult for murder charges. For Azim Khamisa, visiting Hicks as he served a 25-years-to-life sentence in prison was a single step in a long journey toward forgiveness and peace. “I recognized a spark in him that was no different than the one in me, or in any one of us,” Khamisa recalled. “He murdered my son. He’d done something horrific. That did not make him inhuman. I told him, ‘Not only have I forgiven you, but when you come out, you have a job at (my) foundation,” he added, referring to the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, a nonprofit he’d founded nine months after his son’s murder as a means to break the cycle of youth violence in communities across the nation.

That spirit of forgiveness proved redemptive for Azim Khamisa, just as it did for Tony Hicks and Ples Felix, Hicks’ grandfather and legal guardian who would go on to play a major role in the nonprofit and related youth programs. It was also a key theme during Khamisa’s address to a roomful of Aurora police officers and community leaders, a small gathering that served as a substitute for an event originally planned at Aurora Central High School.

A powerful snowstorm and a spate of school cancellations on Feb. 3 moved the event to the Aurora police headquarters, but the tone behind Khamisa’s message didn’t change with the shift in venue. A follow-up to Arun Gandhi’s appearance at Central last year to commemorate the annual “Season of Nonviolence” event, Khamisa’s appearance touched on many of the tenets central in the philosophies of leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr., César Chávez and Arun Gandhi’s grandfather, a man the world dubbed “Mahatma,” a Sanskrit word that meant “great soul.”

“I was very moved by (Khamisa’s) story, his commitment to changing the patterns of violence,” said Karen Paschal, the senior minister and spiritual director of the New Dawn Center for Spiritual Living. Staff from the Center worked with the Aurora police department and Aurora Public Schools to organize the second yearly celebration of the “Season of Nonviolence” event. “I felt like it would be something that people would want to hear ... Through a violent act, Azim touched the spirit that was within him and was moved to forgiveness. That is what brought him to peace.”

Following the loss of his son, Azim’s first commitment has been to youth. Since 1995, he’s addressed millions of students at thousands of appearances across the country. In addition to founding the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, he’s also worked with Ples Felix to develop the Constant And Never Ending Improvement program, a national youth advocate initiative that currently operates in seven states.

The program stress spirituality, restorative justice and literacy as an alternative to incarceration. “CANEI is about progress ... The kid who killed my son was under orders from a gang leader. We want to teach these kids that we all have an internal navigation system. If we can connect you to your spirit, what lies within you is far greater than what lies ahead of you or what lies behind you,” Khamisa said. “We do rituals, we do meditation, we do yoga ... We’d love to bring it to Aurora.

That message resonated in a small conference room packed with police officers and school resource officers on a snowy day in Aurora. Following his address to the officers and officials, Khamis fielded questions and insisted, “We are able to do this well because of our story.”

Reach reporter Adam Goldstein at agoldstein@aurorasentinel.com or 720-449-9707
http://www.aurorasentinel.com/email_push/news/article_9d1d6240-5326-11e1-84be-001871e3ce6c.html

Gangster's Granny: A 70-year-old former nun is using grandmotherly love to transform some of Ecuador's toughest streets.

Gangster Granny by

John Dickie and Ioan Grillo

Ecuador is caught in the cross hairs of Latin America's drug war. Gangs of every size and dimension can be found on the streets of this tiny country.

But now, an ageing peace activist is trying to give the young people in these gangs hope and a way forward. She has built a haven for the gangs called Barrio de Paz, 'Neighbourhood of Peace', and has become a grandmotherly figure to the gang members, helping to guide them into a life of non-violence. Seven-a-side football is a tough workout at the best of times. But the game we play on a sweaty street in Ecuador's biggest city, Guayaquil, is particularly testing.

Our goalkeeper, Pablo, bears six bullet wounds from various shootings - although to be fair, he is in surprisingly good shape and still seems to have all his reactions intact for catching the incoming footballs.

The striker we are trying to stop from breaking through our defence lines is a boss of the Latin Kings, the biggest street gang in Ecuador, which also has thousands of members in Spain, Italy and the US.
Recently, some Latin Kings broke into a Spanish prison to try to murder a rival. We think about doing some dirty British sliding tackles to stop the striker, then we decide it would be unwise.

But despite the fact that we are two paunchy British journalists playing some of the hardest gang members in Ecuador, it is a surprisingly good-natured game.

Following house rules, the teams are awarded points for clean play, points when they celebrate goals in creative ways - salsa dances, overhead summersaults - and extra points if women players score a goal. Street football between rival gangs can become quite a carnival.

Curiously, the brains behind this novel version of the beautiful game has never kicked a football around in her life. Nelsa Curbelo is a bespectacled 70-year-old who spent decades as a nun before helping broker peace processes in Latin America’s bloody civil wars.

But the concept of this street football fits in perfectly with the philosophy of all of Curbelo's work - promoting peace and believing in the essential goodness of human beings."These people you see are no different from you and I," Curbelo says. "We have just had different opportunities. They need a chance to transform themselves and an environment that will allow them to do it."

'Being peace'

The idea of peace processes for gang members, gangsters and street thugs is an important concept in Latin America today.Across the continent, from Mexico's border cities to Brazil's favelas, criminal violence is overwhelming communities and leaving never-ending piles of corpses.

Most governments have opted for military approaches, sending soldiers onto the streets to shoot the gangs into submission. In many cases, the troops have also shot dead bystanders and inflamed the violence further.

Curbelo has a very different approach. Her foundation Ser Paz - which literally means 'Being Peace' - tries to give gangsters a chance to lay down their guns and escape the street war. Furthermore, rather than getting the bosses to leave their gangs, she encourages them to use their organisations and structures in a positive way.

"The [gang] organisations can be used for good. When a member is sick they will often get support from other members," Curbelo says. "But the organisations can also be used for bad and create problems that are very hard to deal with. It is better to work with them than against them."

Ecuador currently has less severe gang-related violence than Colombia or Mexico, but it has similar root problems to these countries - including millions of poor, marginalised young people and weak government institutions.

In Guayaquil, which has a population of 2.3 million, there are an estimated 60,000 gang members, in groups including the Latin Kings, Masters and Iron Nation.Gang members were involved in many of the city's 600 homicides last year.

'War on the streets' 

Curbelo said that after decades of fighting the repression of military dictators and insurgent guerrilla groups, she saw that there was a new problem right outside her front door. "There is real war on the streets. And it is between young people, who are fighting and dying," she says.

Curbelo went into the cities' worst slums and talked directly with the toughest crime bosses.
After gaining their trust, she brokered peace processes between gangs and the government. Gang members handed hundreds of weapons in to the army and, in return, the government helped them set up businesses, including a printing shop and a barbers.

Many gang bosses made the deal because they were looking for a way out of their violent lifestyles - lifestyles in which they were constantly watching their backs, fearing that rivals might be trying to kill them. But they also trusted the elderly former nun because of her particular human qualities.
"She came to visit me while I was in prison. She listens and understands and offers advice. She is a great human being," says Jorge Arosemena, the scarred boss of the Iron Nation gang.

Giving gang bosses a ticket out of jail and money to start a business is controversial. Many politicians say that street thugs need punishment not amnesty. But Curbelo's programmes have had concrete results - reducing violence in certain neighbourhoods, at least in the short-term.

As we watch rival gangs play football into the night, neighbours tell us that they are normally scared to come out onto these streets, but the crowds and lights at the tournament make them feel secure.On this evening, at least, the gangsters are only shooting footballs.

http://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/witness/2012/02/20122682121898381.html

Turning Enemies Into Friends in Israel and the Palestinian Territories

Rabbi Ammiel Hirsch

In early Jan. 15 senior rabbis, ministers and imams traveled together to Israel and the Palestinian territories. We are from among New York City's leading religious institutions. Collectively, our houses of worship are home to tens of thousands of prominent New Yorkers.

Anyone who appreciates the hectic schedules and unique demands upon congregational clergy realizes that it is no small matter to bring 15 spiritual leaders together for five days. So why did we leave our congregations for a week? Why did our congregants insist that we go and even pay for our mission?

In the post 9/11 world, religious rapprochement is no longer a luxury; it is a necessity. To ignore dialogue is to invite destruction. If we do not find ways to live together in dignity we will die together in agony. Religious moderates must build new bridges of coexistence or religious extremists will burn the last bridges of peace.

Our presence in the Middle East was intended to broadcast that we can live together, work together, travel together, dream together and build together. In a world awash in religious conflict, we wish to model a different way: the way of coexistence, respect and peace.

It was a tough trip. We did not paper over our differences. We visited the heart of the conflict. There were moments of despair. We met with presidents, prime ministers, members of parliament and mayors on both sides of the Israeli-Palestinian divide. We met with priests, imams and rabbis. We met with journalists, academics, students, villagers and farmers.

Daily headlines do not begin to tell the story. None of the people we met -- not one -- believed that the Middle East is closer to peace today than ten years ago. If this is the truth, we need to hear it. Progress rests upon the solid rock of reality, not the shifting sands of fantasy.

Despite it all, many of us returned to New York guardedly optimistic. None of the people we met -- not one -- felt that the status quo was sustainable. Everyone understood that a way must be found to break out of the suffocating reality. There is broad agreement that the present is not working and that a new future must be forged.

People of faith have a unique role to play. Both Israeli President Shimon Peres and Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad urged us to engage. Both of them emphasized that religion could be a source of enormous support as the politicians seek a political solution. We can help to create a context that is conducive to peace.

Religion specializes in hope. We are good at articulating our common humanity and giving voice to the better angels of our nature. We were also cautioned that if we do not step up the forces of religious intolerance will continue to drag the rest of us towards war. Our era has placed a sacred obligation on the forces and figures of religious moderation to speak out and act out.

There are many good people working to build bridges. In Haifa we met Christians, Muslims and Jews who have built a true house of coexistence. In Tel Aviv we met doctors, nurses and hospital staff who treated illness without regard to race, religion or creed. Even on the Gaza border, in Israeli towns that were fired upon in a barrage of missiles, there were people who were reaching out to the other side.

Peace is made piece by piece, from the bottom up. Progress is advanced day by day, person by person, each laboring in their own corner of the universe, connecting with others who together create an irresistible force. We should connect with those people and strengthen their hand. This daily labor is heroic work.

Jewish sages ask: Who is a hero? They respond: He who turns an enemy into a friend.

This is our task: person by person to help turn enemies into friends.

Rabbi Ammiel Hirsch is Senior Rabbi, Stephen Wise Free Synagogue.  This article was first posted on the Huffington Post website. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rabbi-ammiel-hirsch/turning-enemies-into-frie_b_1224995.html?ref=religion

Forgiveness Brings Peace

Forgiveness Brings Peace

by David C. James, Ph.D.

“Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is it healed. ... This is the ancient and eternal law.’
– The Dhammapada

Forgiveness is a universal theme in both the spiritual and religious life. Every spiritual tradition recognizes the necessity to let go of past suffering and betrayal, and find a way to release the burden of pain and hate that we carry.

Theistic religions point to a practice of forgiveness that is rooted in relationship with God as well as our fellow travelers on the human path. Non-theistic religions recognize that the gift and process of forgiveness as an essential part of the journey toward awakening and enlightenment.

In a very practical way forgiveness is, as one author put it, giving up the hope of ever having a better past. Forgiveness allows us to be at peace right now, no matter what drama, crisis, trauma has happened in the past. It is simply the creation of peace in the present.

Studies by Stanford University and the University of Tennessee show that when we don’t forgive we may experience a strain upon our nervous and immune systems, elevations in our blood pressure and heart rates, and a host of other health-related problems.

Unforgiveness is a factor in all human conflict, whether in family or world relations. In our lifetime, the conflicts of Northern Ireland, the genocide in Rwanda, the ongoing conflict in the Middle East, street gang violence and class warfare in our own country all point to the consequences of unforgiveness, of hanging on to past wrongs.

So if forgiveness is so crucial to the release of suffering, good physical and mental health and harmony with ourselves and others, why do we not practice it more?

Sometimes it is because we confuse forgiving with forgetting. Our brains are wired to perform some incredible tasks, but forgetting past trauma and abuse doesn’t seem to be one of them. The practice of forgiveness is a letting go of the emotional energy of past hurts and finding peace in our hearts in the here and now. In other words, sometimes we forgive for ourselves and no one else! After all, the one who hurt us may be dead and we are still carrying them around in our heart.

Sometimes we can’t forgive because we have too much emotional energy invested in being a victim of someone else’s bad behavior. To be free of the past though, we must find a way to transcend it and this may very well mean grieving the past and finding a way to rest in a present state of well-being.

These are but two of the many reasons we feel that we can’t forgive. Regardless of why we haven’t yet forgiven, the good news is that there are ways to step into this freedom now. Whether through work with a spiritual companion or a therapist, there a is way we can release the hold of the past and find peace and happiness now. I hope you begin this journey today.

David C. James, Ph.D., is an author, spiritual companion and the Animator of the Olympia Forgiveness Project.
Read more here: http://www.theolympian.com/2012/01/07/v-print/1939062/foregiveness-can-bring-peace.html#storylink=cpy